Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Reed's Apple Pie

Several years ago my good friend, Reed Harrison, came on a family vacation with me to the beach.  It was a wonderful trip filled with more laughter than one could even imagine.  We sat by the pool by day, sometimes ventured to the beach, managed to get ourselves cleaned up and cook in during the evenings.  One afternoon Reed decided to add a few ingredients to the communal grocery list because she was going to make an apple pie.  It was the highlight of the trip!!!!!  Not because the pie was so incredibly wonderful, which it was, but because of the crazy disastrous mess that the kitchen turned into as Reed created her masterpiece.  There was flour in places that didn't even make sense.  Now granted, there might have been a daiquiri or a few beers had by the pool and as her sous chef, we may or may not have been perfectly competent to wield a pairing knife, but alas it was done and most everyone came out unscathed!

Some time later I asked Reed for this recipe when I was creating my first cookbook from friend's recipes.  Most of the time people would send me their recipes and I would clean them up a bit so that all the recipes were formatted the same way.  I could not...and would not...do that to Reed's recipe....it was comedy in cookbook form!  So, as to not diminish the integrity of her work of art, here it is....the famous, and sometimes infamous, Reed's Apple Pie....(you should be hearing drum rolls in the background)....

Reed's Apple Pie

1 cup flour
1 cup brown sugar (“how come it tastes so good?”)
1 stick of butter
3 tablespoons sugar
1 teaspoon nutmeg
3 apples (I prefer Granny Smith)
3 tablespoons milk
Pie crust (I recommend Pillsbury’s pie crust in the red box, just add water...you may have to hunt in the grocery store because they usually store this in the least logical place humanly conceivable. Like with the oysters. And granted that I am occasionally a bit intoxicated when I have agreed to cook, my experience has been that sometimes this stuff is difficult to track down, but keep looking, b/c it’s there. Try to ask for help but not from the drooling cross-eyed stock boy because you are barking up the wrong tree entirely)

Mix the flour, brown sugar and the butter into the nice expensive bowl that you had on your registry. Don’t melt the butter in the microwave- I
know it’s tempting- but you want this mixture to be a little crumbly, not
liquidy. If your forearms are sore or you are in a hurry then melt it
slightly but don’t get carried away. Set aside.

*The Assembly Process*
Take the pie crust ball and split it in two. Set one half aside. Throw

flour everywhere...EVERYWHERE. Flatten one half with a rolling pin and set
the final product inside a pie tin. It should cover the edge but not hang
over on the side (like your love handles will after you eat this thing).
Thinly slice the apples and create a layer.
Dust with the sugar mixture.
Add a layer of the crumbly mixture.
Do this until all of one of the ingredients are gone and you can’t add any more layers or until you hit the top of the pie tin.
Add the 3 tablespoon of milk- just sort of sprinkle on top creates cohesion. With the second ball of dough, roll it out and cut strips...now get creative, mark it with a “B”, do a basket weave, make a dough shaped picture of yourself naked, whatever.

Bake at 425ish (I know this is a crucial detail but eh! what can I say,
I’m not sure, ask Ruth) for an hour or so, I usually just keep an eye on
it. You want the crust to brown and the inside to solidify...use a toothpick
to check it.
Serve with a side of vanilla ice cream and an insulin shot.

*Sprinkly Topping (I have no idea what the technical term would be,
hence perhaps why no one is lining up to marry me and have me cook for
them)* Mix the regular white sugar and the nutmeg.

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